adoptee, adoption, adoption child, celebrity adoption, diary about adoption, elaine pinkerton, family histor, family roots, family tree, friends, juniper tree, the goodbye baby, wounded, writing
Dear Readers: Family matters have lately consumed me and there’s been no time to write. Enjoy this re-posting of thoughts originally published in 2012. The lack of “roots,” though I’ve come to grips with it, continues to be a challenge. If you’re an adoptee and have ever felt the need for a family tree, please send your feedback. Like other adoptees I’ve met, I’m still searching for the answers!
Last night I watched a program on public television that reminded me of being an adoptee. The emptiness and longing for a tribe of my own, a feeling I wrongly assumed I had put to rest, was back with a vengeance.
“Finding your Roots,” which featured three celebrities exploring their family trees, was all about searching to find a place where you belong, piecing together the past, and learning where and how your ancestors lived. The show was well presented and dramatized the interviewees’ journeys to discover their their true heritage.
My outsider status syndrome immediately kicked in. How fortunate, I thought, to even possess a genealogy that you could call your own. Growing up as an adoptee, I longed for years to claim a so-called “family tree.” I’d been to Italy with my birthfather Giovanni Cecchini. After our reunion, we travelled to Abruzzi, where he was born. I met my non-English-speaking cousins, aunts and uncles. Following the journey to Italy, my birthfather’s second wife (not my birthmother) helped me secure a detailed listing of paternal relatives.
With my adoptive mom’s help, I’d was able to chart out a family tree for my ancestry record, going back just a couple centuries. Those two charts were intellectual exercises, but I couldn’t relate to them.
Two family trees, but neither really fit who I was. Though I had the DNA of the biological parentage, I was shaped and molded by my adoptive parents. Rather than give in to an emotional meltdown, however, I thought long and hard about why the “Finding your Roots” program tried to break my heart. Tried but failed.
When I was young, I made up a myth about being adopted.The underlying theme was “Oh, poor me.” That was a way of reacting to everything, seemingly as fixed as the stars in the Big Dipper or the belt of the constellation Orion. However, I was not a fixed star and I could shape a new truth.
I decided to emulate the indomitable juniper tree. It will send roots down 25 feet in order to survive. Here’s a description from the National Park Service’s website:
“Junipers grow in some of the most inhospitable landscapes imaginable, thriving in an environment of baking heat, bone-chilling cold, intense sunlight, little water and fierce winds. Often they appear to grow straight out of solid rock.”
This is the kind of family tree that will serve me well.
Don't We Look Alike? said:
Wonderful post. Tweeting it.
You are so kind. Thank you for your support on not only this specific post, but my journey as an adoptee.
Don't We Look Alike? said:
My best to you, Elaine. Just started reading your book!
elaine pinkerton coleman said:
Your feedback is so appreciated! Hope you find that The Goodbye Baby provides helpful insight.
Lori Lavender Luz said:
The juniper tree is an apt metaphor.
Thanks for helping me to understand. And also, I appreciate your kind comment on CreatingAFamily today.
Thank you! I am happy to hear the metaphor resonates with you. You’re very welcome for the comment – you’ve got such great insight, I always look forward to your work.
science and children said:
Currently it looks like WordPress is the top blogging platform out there right now.
(from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using
on your blog?
Yes, I’m using WordPress by choice. Tried Joomla for months (with another site I had – DearDiaryReadings) but it was far too wonky for me. WordPress isn’t that fancy or flexible, perhaps, but to me it seems user-friendly.