Adoption Recovery 101

27 Monday Feb 2017

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Acceptance, Adaptation, adoptee, adoption, labyrinth, Reflections, Sarah Ban Breathnach

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

…Nothing so wise as a circle. -Rilke

This morning’s labyrinth walk yielded reflections that I’d like to share with you…

With the publication of The Goodbye Baby-Adoptee Diaries, a memoir comprised of diary entries from the 1950s through 1980s, I began to heal from years of repressed anger and pain. I forgave the past and myself. I redirected my imagination. Instead of dwelling on all those invisible wounds (from being separated from my birthparents), I was able to focus on writing.

After The Goodbye Baby, I decided that I’d moved on. Producing a memoir was instructive and healing. Helpful as it was, however, it wasn’t enough. Or to put it more accurately, it didn’t last. The stress and instability of my first five years of life sometimes come back to haunt me.

Here’s my newest “rescue remedy,” a three-pronged remedy for adoption recovery.

ACCEPTANCE –
Realizing the difference between dreams and expectations. As Sarah Ban Breathnach recommends in Simple Abundance, I’m following her recommendation:
“You dream. Show up for work. Then let Spirit deliver your dream to the world.”

WALKING-
I do this daily and I reaffirmed this intention with creating a new edition of my guidebook Santa Fe on Foot. (www.santafeonfoot.com)

READING-
Allowing time each day for books.
I spend time reading for edification, for entertainment, for information, and (sometimes) sheer escape.

We really do not know what’s in store for us. As Sarah Breathnach recommends, “…we’ll only find out once we start investing our emotions in authentic expression, and not in specific outcomes.” Don’t get caught up in the “delivery details.”

Keep your dreams even as you accept what IS. Join Elaine on alternate Mondays for adoption thoughts.

How to Adopt a Fresh Start

29 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by elainepinkerton in Adoption

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adoptee, Adoptee Recovery, New Year, Resolutions, Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simplicity, Strength

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. -Anonymous

It’s that time of year when folks proclaim “Out with the old, in with the new!” Past New Year’s Eves found me creating endless lists. My belief was that resolutions could deliver a kind of magic. As I cranked out yet another tally of resolutions, I wracked my brain. How could I make the upcoming the new year could be better than the preceding one? Organizing the closets, losing five pounds, finishing my novel, growing vegetables, decluttering, being more (present, spiritual, generous, courageous or any number of virtuous traits)? The assumption was that something needed to be fixed and by sheer force of will I could do it. Thus my list of personal prods.
Did I accomplish the resolutions? Partially, “yes” but mostly “not really.” The mental and emotional energy involved in resolution-writing was hardly worth the effort. This year, I’ve had it with the list method. Instead, I’m aiming for a new level of comfort with being an adoptee.
As 2014 draws to a close, I’ve decided on making one word my year-long motto: BELIEVE.
Two years ago, I published The Goodbye Baby-A Diary about Adoption. In my memoir, I concluded that I’d moved beyond the invisible wounds of being adopted at age five. It was relatively easy to announce that I’d embraced the role of adoptee and reached a truce with abandonment issues. Living those words, however, is another matter. But I believe that it’s possible.
For 2015, I’m following the advice of Sarah Ban Breathnach in her excellent book Simple Abundance-A Daybook of Comfort and Joy:
“…keep on believing that you have the passion, intelligence, brilliance, creativity, wisdom, clarity, depth, and savvy to find that quiet center of solace, serenity, and strength necessary to create and sustain an authentic life.” Like Ms. Breathnach, I feel that “When you start believing, you’ll discover that all things are really possible.”