Excavating the Real You

Tags

adoption, Adoption recovery, Authenticity, Diaries, Gratitude, Liberation, memoir

Self-discovery demands some heavy lifting!

“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.” -Oscar Wilde

Do you find it natural to be yourself or do you hide behind a facade?

What does it mean to be “authentic”?  As an adult adoptee, these are the questions I’ve grappled with for a lifetime. This quest for “authenticity” may not be true for every adoptee, but for me it is central.
That said, for the past five years, I’ve been on a quest for truth in defining myself. In my case, there was always the feeling that a biological child would have been the first preference of my adoptive parents. Even though assured that I was “the chosen one,” I grew up fearing I was a substitute for the child that might have been.
Ever since I could hold a pen, I’ve kept a daily diary A lifetime of chronicling every day generates many volumes. Four years ago, I decided to dig through my journals, particularly those from childhood into early adulthood. I pulled out the sections that pertained to growing up adopted and turned them into The Goodbye Baby-A Diary About Adoption (AuthorHouse, 2012). I’d written guidebooks (Santa Fe on Foot, The Santa Fe Trail by Bicycle), books about WWII (From Calcutta with Love, Beast of Bengal) but never a book about my own journey.
The diaries, 40 small volumes of “notes to myself,” revealed how being adopted

Decades of diaries became my memoir, The Goodbye Baby

shaped my decisions and my life’s trajectory. With a sense of Duty to Self and the hope of helping other adoptees, I opted to “go public” with the past in all its aspects. I was able, after publication of The Goodbye Baby, to move forward. It was liberating; it was necessary; it was illuminating.
Whether you were adopted or not, I’d like to offer guidelines for a personal “excavation.” To gain a better understanding of how YOUR past has shaped you, be willing to do the following:
1. Dig with your pen. Trace your life. Consider the choices you have made up until now. Is there a long-buried dream that calls to you? Perhaps you now have the wisdom to make alterations in your dream so that it can come true.
2. Write a brief personal history. This could even take shape as an outline, to be expanded into a future memoir. Recall the home of your childhood, fast-forward to your teenage years, more ahead to your first home. This need not be comprehensive. Instead, pick details that resonate in memory.
3. Adopt what Henri Nouwen calls “The Discipline of Gratitude” Use your daily life as a cause for celebration. In the extreme, this could mean taking the worst moments of your life and turning them into blessings.
4. Finally, reorder your priorities. This requires peace of mind and clarity. With modern life’s fragmentation and the intrusive nature of technology, however, this task is more important than ever. Use meditation, yoga, and days spent in silence —whatever it takes—to realize what’s most important.
 In the final analysis, by excavating to see who you really are, you’ll be able to identify what truly matters in your life. It may be the most important journey you’ll ever make.

What has helped you in finding your true self? Please share your comments!

 

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The End is the Beginning

Tags

adoptee, Adoption recovery, labyrinth, Labyrinth Resource Group, Liberation, Renewal, Summer Solstice, Walking

The sun reminds us to open our hearts to life and love.

As a “recovering adoptee,” I welcome every opportunity to break loose from adoption issues. My favorite way to achieve a fresh attitude is walking the circular path, the labyrinth. On June 21, I went to a late afternoon Summer Solstice Walk. The event was sponsored by the Labyrinth Resource Group in Santa Fe, NM. Perfect conditions: mild temperature, clear view of surrounding foothills and mountains, a congenial group of labyrinth enthusiasts, live harp music. The sun just setting. Before we entered the circular path, we read the following inspirational poem, contributed by poet Mary Ann Wamhoff and written to “celebrate the infusion of light from the summer sun.” In honor of the new season, I present her reflections…

Solar Power
We’re heading toward the Light
drawn toward the Light
entering this longest day
reaching for fullness of being
gravitating to it
just like a phototropic plant!
consciously leaving behind any darkness
leaving all darkness behind
any pettiness, stuckness
any narrow-mindedness, prejudgments
“my-way-or-no-way” attitudes
“I-can’t-do-this” points of view
releasing what is passing away
the unproductive
any hindrance to our becoming full, rich, complete
releasing duality, either/or, distractions
limited notions
Just let it go.
Let it all go–
what is old, past, done, less-than-useful
killing creativity
strangling our spirits
fearful, selfish, withered, dry, dissonant, dim

Walking the Labyrinth is a good practice for every season.

We’re standing in the longest Light
receiving its Goodness
Just like a plant, needing it to grow
to become who we really are
receiving the Love it contains
absorbing All Life
letting this warmth penetrate each cell, aspect, fragment, facet of our Being
taking it in
holding it close and dear
allowing it to work its Mystery
to have its way within us
becoming new, remade
We are rising from the depths of despair and hopelessness
embracing all Good
embracing this Light

embracing this brightness
merging with trust, truth, joy, fullness of possibilities

We’re returning with Light
shining!
emerging with Life!
Love to share
ready to be instruments of this Brightness
this Sweet energy
and focus it
to dispel any darkness
carrying Abundance
effusing this Power
stars walking here on Earth!

The labyrinth is simple: One enters, walks to the center, pauses to pray or meditate, turns the opposite direction, then walks out. Walking the labyrinth is a way to get in touch with who you really are, to bring insights to bear on your life. As I journey toward wholeness and freedom from past invisible wounds of adoption, I realize the wisdom of the labyrinth. The door that closes opens to an “infusion of light” and a fresh start.

Join Elaine every Monday for reflections on adoption and life.

 

 

Goofy gets the Boot

Tags

Adoption recovery, Creativity, De-cluttering, Diaries, Liberation, memoir, Purge, Simplify, Streamlining, Stuff

“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.”
― Henry David Thoreau, Walden and Other Writings

A year ago, I decided to get serious about re-purposing my old friend Mickey Mouse. I sold Mickey, Minnie and a host of other stuffed toys.  Because they were smaller, I kept Bugs Bunny and Goofy. Now even they have to go… I’m  once again de-cluttering.

Staging yet another garage sale is the only way I can escape the “too much stuff” syndrome. All of May, I’ve been walking around my house, collecting things with which I must part, labeling, pricing, and stacking said stuff in a spare room.
This personal de-acquisitioning campaign started with the publication of my adoption memoir The Goodbye Baby-A Diary about Adoption. It was so liberating to review four decades of past emotional “baggage” and then burning the diaries themselves, I realized that my too-much-stuff problem could be tackled. The late diaries went up in smoke, and that gave me courage. It was OK to get rid of something that had once been precious. In publishing my “diary book,” I’d saved the essence of those journals, which was all I needed: First the diaries, then the house and everything in it. There was no turning back.
My house is too big and yet not big enough. I have, from time to time, had grown children temporarily moving back home. Finally I gave up on having a guest room and declared that part of my home as the re-launching pad. Gone were my extra cabinets and shelves, dressers, bookshelves and desk drawers. I knuckled under and gradually removed my stuff from “their” space.
Do I get my precious storage space back? I wish! The adult child moves on but the stuff remains. This situation has forced me to take a serious look at all my now “extra” ousted-from-the-guest-room belongings. Turns out that a few friends, for various reasons, are  also being overwhelmed by possessions.  As a last resort, we’ve scheduled yet another garage sale.
This weekend my friends and I will be selling our excesses. Whatever doesn’t sell, we will give to charity. Our motto: This tyranny of things is exhausting and we’re not going to take it anymore.
Must sign off now, as the kitchen and dining room tables are loaded up with items that must be priced and relegated to the garage sale mountain.
*Use it or LOSE it.
*LESS is MORE.
*Empty is BEAUTIFUL

Join Elaine every Monday for reflections about life after Adoption Recovery.

Goodbye, Mickey Mouse

Tags

Creativity, Decluttering, Diaries, Liberation, memoir, Purge, Simplifying, Streamlining, Stuff

Things are in the saddle and ride mankind, said Ralph Waldo Emerson…

Stacked up for the Garage Sale of the Century

*Use it or LOSE it.
*LESS is MORE.
*Empty is BEAUTIFUL.

I have decided to get serious about re-purposing my old friend Mickey Mouse. I’m also getting rid of Minnie and a host of other stuffed toys. You guessed it, I’m de-cluttering.

A good friend was having trouble selling the family home. She’d already bought a small, perfect condo and needed to make the old, now-too-big house more attractive. She had multiple garage sales, sold and gave away more than half of what she owned. The family home started looking more beautiful. In a few weeks, furnished only sparsely, it sold.

After 38 years spent living in the same home, I started been buying books about simplifying. I’ve purchased containers for organizing and drawn up schedules for downsizing. I’m perpetually “gearing up” to purge, but instead of ridding myself of disorderly possessions, I spend too many hours keeping track of them.

Truth be told, all the organizational tools undermined me. Purchasing wondrous bins, cute cubes, file cases and photo boxes ended up creating – guess what! – more clutter. But this tyranny of things is exhausting and I’m not going to take it anymore.

Writing my adoption memoir The Goodbye Baby-A Diary about Adoption gave me the reality check I needed. It was so liberating to review four decades of past emotional “baggage” and then burning the diaries themselves, I realized that my too-much-stuff problem could also be tackled. The late diaries went up in smoke, and that gave me courage. It was OK to get rid of something that had once been precious. In publishing my “diary book,” I’d saved the essence of those journals, which was all I needed: First the diaries, then the house and everything in it. There was no turning back.

I’m not selling my house,  but I was so inspired by my friend’s example, I vowed to halt this unhealthy servitude to stuff. Point one: the home office. I’m sad to report that after eight hours of dredging, I have yet to reach bottom. Only myself to blame, however. A serious office supply addiction ended up burdening me with envelopes enough to run a third world country for a year, pens and pencils that filled five shoe boxes, reams of white paper, hundreds of partially-used spiral notebooks, and three-ringed binders enough for a every grade of a school in Nepal.

Nothing to do but soldier on! I now look at STUFF as an enemy that smothers me, crowds me, muffles my creativity and keeps me from writing. I’m getting used to the beauty of EMPTY. A drawer with nothing in it. A closet with just a few hangers.

Must sign off now, as the bed is loaded up with a mountain of junk that has to be labeled before removal to the garage sale department. Otherwise, no sleep tonight…