Some days it’s hard to realize you are gaining on it.
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.
-Henry Nouwen, Dutch-born priest and writer
For the most part, I enjoy a sense of progress in my adoptee’s journey toward wholeness. Some days, however, I feel like Sysiphys, the character in Greek mythology who pushes a massive boulder uphill, reaching the top by sundown but the very next morning being forced to start again at the bottom and push uphill all over again.
As I talk with friends about challenges they are facing, I realize that I am not alone. One does not have to be a “recovering adoptee” to find life full of problems to be overcome, tasks to be accomplished and conundrums that seem to have no end. And while I am blessed to have wonderful and compassionate friends who are never to busy to listen to my latest thorny scenario, one solution I’ve found is to be my own best friend.
Having said that, I’m offering five ways to nurture and appreciate yourself:
1. Let the past be the past. Do not hold grudges against yourself.
2. Remember, when troubles seem to be ganging up against you, that “Mama said there’d be days like this.”
3. Be true to YOU. As far as your self-definition is concerned, be an island. Quit comparing yourself unfavorably with others. Jealously isn’t called the “green-eyed monster” for nothing.
4. Work on fine-tuning your sense of humor. Learn to laugh at yourself.
5. Remember that YOU are not your thoughts.
Life is like a river. We can either enjoy the journey, rowing gently down the stream, or we can let our emotions control our thoughts, feeling a vague dissatisfaction and lack of contentment. One very powerful way to row gently down the stream is to treat yourself as you would a dear, cherished friend.
Befriend YOU!
The Goodbye Baby 
Your heart knows in the silence of the nights the secrets of the days, but your heart’s knowledge is difficult to put into words. The depth of your feelings and emotions present a dilemma because they are boundless and unquantifiable. There is no scale to measure your degree of sensitivity, the intensity of your suffering and joys, or the stamina and resiliency needed to overcome impediments. Ultimately, the emotional depths of some moments in life are so overwhelming that they can only be resolved by God. (Adoption Detective, p. 189) Seek to find the words you already know in thought, and when you are in your lowest emotional states of mind, and there is no one there to help you overcome distress and discouragement and breach the rift, you will find it therapeutic to humbly direct your accepted wisdom to God.
—Judith Land, author & adoptee
http://judithland.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/troubled-by-circumstances-or-the-behavior-of-others/
Dear Judith, Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! Calling on God, who is always listening and all-knowing, is what keeps me going. And for some reason it is during those “lowest emotional states of mind” that I am most mindful of this endless Resource. Blessings to you and yours,
Elaine
These are very wise thoughts, Judith, and helps me tap into the understanding that comes from my inner river of Faith.